Posted in Diary, The Alien

Only now I realize this fatigue

I have been in this journey for as long as I can remember. Only now I realize I am more than just physically exhausted. Walking this windy road has drained all my energy; even my mind can’t think straight. I don’t remember where, when, why, and how I started this journey. I don’t remember the purpose of this journey, or the destination I am trying to reach.

I can only remember that I wasn’t alone when I began this journey. I can still remember the excitement at that time. I can still remember how happy I was for starting a very big journey with a lot of people who seemed to feel the same. They were all around me, walking with me, exchanging smiles, supporting words, and cheers with me. I was really sure that this journey would be a lot of fun.

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But, where are they right now? It’s been a long time since the last time I heard their voices. Ah, right. They have been far ahead of me. Of course. I just started feeling this fatigue a moment ago, so I slowed down, and now they are out of my reach. They might not be able to hear my voice anymore.

No, I can still hear them. Their footsteps, their conversations, their laughs. If it wasn’t a dream, I think I can even hear some distant voices calling my name, cheering-if not urging-me to keep walking.

Oh, I feel like laughing right now. In fact, I have been subconsciously laughing for a while now. This is really funny, for some reason. First of all, I am very tired, but my feet won’t stop walking. Moreover, I don’t remember why I am here, so why should I keep walking?

Then, who are those people, anyway? I remember starting this journey with them, but now I can barely remember who they are. Family? Friends? Colleagues? Partners? I can’t remember any of them being that close to me. What did we usually talk about while walking together? Some far away destination. But I don’t even remember that part of this journey.

Suddenly, there are these dark thoughts inside my head. If they were really my companions, would they wait for me? If I needed some help, would they come back for me?

If I told them I wanted to stop walking… what would they do?

If I didn’t say anything, would they understand?

At the end, I keep all those thoughts for myself. Now I start walking again, no matter how worn out I have been. Probably, once I am with them again, they will tell me what I have forgotten. Maybe this tiring journey is really worth it. Maybe there is really a certain destination I am heading to. Maybe they are all really important people for me.

They may be able to provide some explanation. I only need to keep walking.

[via Daily Prompt: Climbing]

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'Cause all I wanted to do is be the Bruce Lee of loose leaf / Abused ink, used it as a tool when I blew steam [Eminem - Rap God]

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